happy four years.

I scowled with frustration at myself as I walked up and down the halls for being so irresponsible ALL THE TIME. I searched every corner frantically, where could it have fallen? Geez, my mom was going to kill me!
She had just gave me that ring for my 13 birthday 2 months ago..
This had to be the 84579435943 time I had lost it.

"Oh well, It will show up, it always does" I silently tried to reassure myself.

I walked in the class room and everyone stopped and turned their heads to me, I had been at Pilot Mountain middle school for 3 weeks and I was still being starred at. It's a small town and a new student was kind of a big deal. I heard a few of them say  "Hey Nathallie!" to which I responded with a sheepish smile, wishing I could remember all of their names. I made my way to an empty seat and sat down with eyes still on me. Were they ever going to stop? Was I ever going to get use to them, learn their names, become a part of their world? ... WAS I EVER GOING TO FIND MY RING.?!

Finally, the teacher stole their attention and started handing out papers, that's when a tall boy, curly hair, braces, and blue eyes who's name I did remember was coming my way.

He got to my desk and before I could stop him, he got on one knee right in front of me, and grabbed my left hand. My eyes widen, I mean I knew his name was Tyler and I guess we were friends.We had spoke several times since I'd been there but not enough for him to approach me with no ulterior motives and in such a strange way. Once again everyone turned to me.. great, thanks kid.
This time smiles crossed their faces and I heard a few girls giggle, so I looked down to where he was kneeling.

"Will you marry me?" he said with a smirk on his face, he held up a ring, it took me a second to recognize the ring he was holding, it was mine. Where'd he find it? And how did he know it belonged to me?
My confused faced dissolved and  I couldn't help but laugh, he caught me completely off guard.

"Yes!" I played along, giving him permission to slip the ring on to my finger.

We both laughed and I thanked him for finding my ring to which he responded with "no problem wifey" and flashed me that wicked grin of his.
(Pause. If you know Tyler now it might be hard for you to imagine him doing this BUT if you remember him then, then you could def see this.. he was a weird kid... ;) 

That was exactly four years ago.

& the start to an incredible friendship, he made adjusting to a new school entirely too easy.
8th, 9th, and half of 10th we stuck through continuously discovering new things about each other.

Yeah, we did eventually give in to the wrath of high school and let it drift us for a while there. Junior year was bumpy for us. 

I'm glad he made his way back to my life right in time for our senior year, and just in time for me to say..

Happy four years hubbs.

(;

"i asked jud who the best wife in the world is who puts up with her butt of a husband who doesn't know how to treat a great girl and jud said nat and we all know jud can't lie
i thought u might wanna know that "
Feb 1, 2009 6:00 PM

Tyler,
You're genuine, you're charismatic, you're athletic, kindhearted, intelligent, ambitious, and reliable.
You're inviting, hilarious, down-to-earth, so unique in character, and you're such a joy to be around.
But most importantly, and the thing that I adore the most about you, is that you love Jesus.
Talking to you is like taking a deep breath of fresh air, so refreshing to know that there are still young men who are fearfully made.
Thank youuu for everything. Super Ty. Getting to be a part of your life, and getting to know parts of you that others haven't has truly been a blessing for me.
I thought you might wanna know that.

I love you, always.

c

I love you more than you can fathom.

My brother turn his head to me, his eyes were widen, full of fear.
It's like he was pleading with his eyes for me to stop the car, his air bag exploded, his head slung back then disappear behind white powder.

I could smell smoke, and all it took was 4 sec for me to know what I had done.
Every thing else is blurry but those four seconds are crystal clear in my head.

And in those 4 sec, I prayed. 

I closed my eyes and prayed 3 words.

"Jesus protect us."

My eyes open to the sudden stop of the car, we were backwards, and my baby sisters screams from the back seat were keeping my eyes from closing again. 

My brother unbuckled his seat belt that he hung from, and laid his hands out in front of him to catch himself, blood covering his nostrils. Reading my face he quickly and in a surprisingly calm voice says "I'm okay, I'm okay, lets get out". He tried several times to open his door but it wouldn't budge. He banged it one last time in sheer frustration, he was stuck in from his side, so he began to crawl over to my side to get out.

I felt as if something was crushing my abdominal. Perhaps it was the aftermath feeling in your stomach when air is knocked straight out of your lungs, or, maybe something was really pressing against me. I felt pressure, but no pain and had no time to look down. I opened my door, then quickly unbuckled my seat belt and forced myself out. My feet hit the muddy ground, my knees threaten to give out and I struggled to keep my balance, I was so dizzy. I slung open my sisters door, and slightly bent down enough for her to crawl on to my body, wrapping her legs around my hips and hands around my neck. Sebastian hugged me from the side, resting his head on my shoulder, they were both breathing and sobbing heavily on my neck. 

I was thankful for their cries, because cries meant conscious, and conscious meant heart beat, and heart beat meant life. 

Their cries were the sound of a 2nd chance.

The only words I could utter were "Jesus protected us" over, and over again as I stroked her hair that was soaked from the rain. I couldn't say anything else other than the fact that the good Lord had saved us.

Two ladies arrived and helped me call 911 and my parents, my mom came and took my siblings and calmed them down with her embrace, as well as herself with theirs.
The sigh of relief finally left my body, I hadn't realized how tense I was until I looked down to see the whiteness of my knuckles from being balled up into a fist.
My body loosened and that's when I started to feel pain on my knee and chest, then I Suddenly heard a distant but loud ring in my ear.
 I grabbed my head trying to make it stop and I cried fiercely.

My emotions caught up to me, and I sobbed uncontrollably I could have killed them.
It all came rushing to me, I looked at the completely totaled car and cried louder. 

The lady took me into her arms, and attempted to calm me down, I broke free from her grasp and walked the other way. My mom came to me and cupped my face in her hands and repeatedly told me to calm down. I'm not the type to let my feelings escape me in such a hysteric way but it came pouring out of me, and for 10 minutes I kept reliving the scene. My shrieks wouldn't cease and continued to fill the air and I could hardly breathe. 

Finally, they managed to control me, my breathing got as back to rhythm as it possibly could in that situation, after that I just silently cried.
My friend who had been waiting for me at Aunt Beas showed up and ran to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
His presence calmed me down even more, and I'm sure I looked like Frankenstein bride but he held me anyway.
He told me I had mascara running all the way down to my lips, I giggled at the mental image of myself.
I let out another sigh of relief, this time allowing peace to settle in and I attempted to let it reign my thoughts and body.
& it did.
I managed to push away all the "What ifs"
It was going to be okay.
We were okay.

The next two hours consisted of
tears.hugs.cops.people.buses.questions. umbrellas.phone calls. hot showers. and grateful prayers..

I sleep cry at night, it messes with my head but
I see pictures of my car and I can't help but think that God loves more than I can ever possibly fathom.
 That wasn't luck, that was crazy love.

His crazy love, he's always so faithful in presence.

& once again, Jesus,  you heard my voice.

" I see you, and I made you, and I love you more than you can imagine, more than you can fathom"