I remember the weary days that led up to the moment of her depart, but mostly, I remember the moment I found out.
School had just ended and I called my mom because I locked my keys in my car (imagine that).
I knew something was wrong when Yaritza answered the phone, her voice cracked when she told me they were on their way to see grandma.
I knew something was wrong, but she didn't tell me, and I didn't ask.
Sara ended up coming to get Lily and I, and the rest of the kids were in the car. Sara hardly spoke, we were almost home when I turned to look at her. I was searching for answers, and she knew it.
She grabbed my hand, squeezed it, and nodded. I still didn't want to believe it.
We made it to the driveway, and she told all the kids to get out of the car, because she needed to talk to the older girls.
I still didn't believe it. Maybe she just got very sick.
"Grandma's gone."
I looked at Lily through the rearview mirror, my grandma loved us all very, very, much, with out a shadow of a doubt. But her weakness, her joy, the little girl she took everywhere, was the one that was starring back at me with eyes that stung. But Lily was a lot stronger than I was at that moment, shoot, a lot stronger than I'll ever be.
Hot tears filled her eyes, but I think Lily knew then what took me a while to grasp.
I was thinking of my pain, of the misery, Lily was thinking of Jesus.
I put my hands on my head, and cried harder, and louder, than I've ever cried. Lily didn't. Lily cried softly, almost beautifully.
The worst part was that when we got out of that car, we had to pretend that everything was fine, for the sake of our siblings.
That's the part I remember the most.
The next part that invades my mind, is closing the door behind Emily who had came to do what she had been doing for months, comforting me.
My mom was home, she came in, and all the kids ran to her.
"Mi mama murio," she said.. my mom has died.
Before I knew it, we were all in the kitchen crying, the kids were hugging my mom, and the rest of us were just watching and weeping.
The days of the viewing, service, and burial, are a blur to me.
It's been a process since then, a process of grieving, of laughing at all the things she used to say, biting our lips to stop the tears when something randomly reminds us of her. Days of strength, joy, acceptance, and days of sorrow, tears, and disbelief.
We loved her so. But all our days have something in common, they were all days of victory in the eyes of the Lord. Because we've known every single day since she died, that she sleeps in Christ, she's with Him. He who called her, received her with far more love than we could have ever given her.
At times I wish she could see us, and hear us, how united we are as a family! But she is in such a holy place.
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"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' -Matthew 25:23
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. -Philippians 1:21
My mind cannot conceive how much joy there must be with Jesus.
We'll see you soon Mama.
Until then,
as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Just like you showed us.
