I sighed and glanced at myself in the mirror one last time.
Surely, this was enough. After two and a
half hours, a burnt hand, and 1 hair tutorial video later, surely, I looked
okay. But, his words were left roaming around in my head,” more… presentable”
he had said. I had sported the same knee length, black, pencil skirt, a white
blouse tucked in, and nicely adjusted to my upper half. I had straightened out
my natural curls and replaced them with wanded curls. A neat braid picked up my
bangs and my hair was in a teased pony tail (thanks to said tutorial). Then, I
remembered the rest of the waitresses had exotic eye shadows, bright lips, and
their skirts were shorter and tighter. I grabbed the blush and ran through my
cheeks again; re curled my eye lashes, added more mascara, and a lipstick that
gave my lips a hint of red. I couldn't have done more even if I wanted to,
because I don’t really own make up. Time
was running out and I didn't want to be late to my 2nd day of
work. Everything was running smoothly
for the first hours, I had worked as a hostess before, so I knew the gist of
it.
Business was slow, I started wiping down the menus and
humming along to a song that had been stuck in my head. My bosses voice interrupted
my train of thought, “So,” he said, I looked up to find him leaning over the register.
“Yes?”
I responded and gave him a puzzled look.
“Do you not wear makeup?” He remarked as his head tilted and
he studied my face.
“I am wearing makeup”
“I need you to be more presentable”
“I.. tried.”
“Part of the requirement here is to be presentable.”
“I don’t understand..”
“I want people to look at you and say ‘wow’”
Oh. It clicked in my head. He wasn't using the correct word.
No, presentable isn't the word. I wanted him to say it. I wanted him to say
what he really meant.
“What is presentable to you?” I responded.
“You are the face of the restaurant.” He replied, NOT
answering the question. Just say it, I thought, you want me to look sexy.
“You want me to wear more make up?”
“Yes, I didn't even say anything about your skirt being to
your knees.. I mean, that’s okay.”
Gosh, I felt disgusted.
“I think we have two very distinctive definitions of what
presentable is. To me, presentable is being clean, looking nice, modest in
fact.”
A part of me was angry and I would be lying if I said he
didn't wound my self-esteem. The audacity of a man to look a 19 year old girl
in the eye and through indirect comments utter the words “you’re not enough.” I
had spent so long getting ready for this. I’m not allowed to be bitter about it;
I didn't let my heart turn cold, my face showed no sign of resentment. I kindly
asked him if he could find another hostess because after this shift I wouldn't
be coming back, I couldn't suit his standards. I wasn't going to put on any
more makeup, I couldn't. Someone else
can be his Barbie doll, because I know where my identity rest.
The objectifying view of women is real, it’s scary, and it’s
not how God designed men to look at women. Yes, we are called to be submissive to
men, but in a way that honors God, not in a way that feeds their lust. It
saddens me beyond belief that he sincerely believes that a woman's beauty is
defined by the paint on her face. As long as they
keep them costumers emptying their wallets, it’s okay to alter her appearance
for this world’s idea of pretty. You can
say it’s not a big deal, but in a culture that is begging women for their purity,
it is a problem. In a culture that makes our brothers stumble to their faces purposely,
a culture that doesn't guard our eyes, or, our hearts.
Ya'll! I'm just a college student who doesn't get any financial aid, trying to get by and not make my parents pay for everything. Imagine the girls that don't have the support of their parents. She'll have to compromise her modesty to put food on the table.
My cousin Cassie always says, “Only dead fish follow the
flow.”
I am alive and well. I refuse to let anyone else tell me the opposite of what Jesus already showed me at the cross. That is, that I am
Forgiven beloved,
Hidden in Christ,
Made in the image of The Giver of Life,
Righteous & Holy,
Reborn & Remade,
Accepted & Worthy.
Ladies, don't let anyone ever convince you into the lie that in order for men to desire you, you have to show them skin or the outline of your curves. Modesty is on the inside and it reflects on the outside. You have the ability, the will, the confidence, and the back up, to stand up for you. Just remember that.
So here's to being jobless, yet so dearly loved & pursued by the One who matters.
