Simply so in love.

I guess you can say I'm one of those fifteen year old girls, who talks about being in love.
Maybe I am just like every other young girl in the world, when it comes to that.

Love, is a precious thing, I've watched it grow, I've watched it become, I've watched it fall apart, I've watched it make magic, I've watched it over & over again . However, I've never felt it.

  

Then again, you can say I have.

I'm so in love with My Family, I'm so in love with God, I'm so in love with my Friends.

But we all know that, I'm talking about the holding hands, kissing in the rain kind of love.

I want to feel it, but I refuse too.

mm. Bittersweet.

I've had so many opportunities with so many great guys, who I know would treat me like Cinderella.
Yet, I can't bring myself to give up my independence as a girl, to fall head over heels over someone.I've never let it take me, I've always put up barriers.
I'm so in love with sitting in my room alone watching movies about love.
I'm so in love with hanging out with my friends every weekend, not worrying about anyone else.
I'm so in love with desiring it, aspiring it, only.

I'm so in love with going on dates, with awkward boys then talking about it.

I'm so in love with going to parties meeting new people and making scenarios in my head.
I'm so in love with the thought of being in love, yet to scared to let myself do it.
It all just gives me, self- independence. Instead of having someone on my mind 24/7 .I have myself first, I always know that it's all coming from one heart thats devoted to itself, and not anothers.

I'm simply so in love with my Freedom.

so so so so so in love with my Freedom.

God has plans for me , I know it. He will put him in my path, maybe soon or maybe later. Untill then I will enjoy my love for Freedom.

I simply want Rain.

Venting time.
My math paper is currently soaked in tears. I NEVER CRY. If you have seen me cry, I applaud you, you saw something out of me. If I cry, it has to really be getting to me. I suck at math. Maybe just as bad or even worse than I do at biology. I was not crying because I could not do it, because I know I can, but because it's so simple and yet I get confused randomly, imagine when the hard stuff starts kicking it... Math just is not my thing, then again I feel like nothing is "my thing" I hate it, hate it, hate it.

Not only school is dragging my soul around like dirt but also just life in general. There is a void in me, that no matter what I do I cannot fill it. It’s like  a hole in the middle of the desert, no amount of water can seem to fill it because not enough falls from the sky. I plead for God to give me rain.

Simply Rain. Rain that has love, true friendships, determination, Independence, self-esteem, beauty, sincere hearts, pure , clean, extravagant rain .
I want people who will love me, like I love them. You know. I would do anything in the world for some people, even though I have realized they would not do the same for me. Sometimes, you just want someone to ask YOU whats wrong, you want someone to pray for rain with you, to talk about this lonley void of yours. I think, I'm questioning every single person, every single relationship I have. I want this rain to contain no doubt. I want no doubt in me. Rain. Rain. Rain.

God, Give me Rain.

Simpy A Good Night.

I know, I am a massive slacker when it come to blogging. Forgive me.

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Last Saturday, it was supposed to be "Nat time". I'm tending to have these nights on the weekends more & more often, which isn’t likely in my part. It's 5 a clock p.m & I'm cleaning my kitchen, so I can just have the night off without interruption about cleaning or anything,in the middle of my cleaning  my phone rings.... It was Boutis, she called to say she had an extra ticket to a concert & would like me to go with her, her mama & her brother Souli. I agreed to go, I had no idea what concert this was, I imagined a big stadium, and crazy people, all I knew was that it was a Brazilin Band.

To my surprise, it was a very elegant and fancy concert 1hr and 30 min away. We sat down, in a room that seated about 200 or so people and I looked around & saw mostly older people. Now, I was really confused.
What is this I thought? then these men in their 50's began playing instruments, I realized there was no lyrics just music. . It grabbed my attention I had never really been interested in this type of music. However...

I loved it. It was a old Jazz kind of band, I could form any lyrics I wanted in my head and just relax to the rhythm of the old time music that can let you travel beyond the 21 century. Back to when the long hard days working in the fields  tired the men’s body, and endless housework exhausted the women. Back to when listening & dancing to music wasn’t to be proactive or to prove anything, back to when you simply enjoyed the music and the relaxation it gave your body. "Nothing is better than real music" was the first words that i heard from their mouth. I could not  agree more two hours of listening to real music not the junk we hear now.

Afterwards, we waited in line to actually meet this band ans we conversed with them and they were all very nice people. They also said, their purpose of their music was to bring back the old days and to send out a positive message, because music now just degrades women, and is either about sex, drugs or money.
I had a blast. It makes me want to experience more things, to go out and see the history I don't want to be stuck in this century..I want to explore.

On our way back home Mama told us a story about how she found the man she wanted to be with the rest of her life. We heard crazy stories about everything that lead her to her life now. Until, we drifted off into sleep in the back seat. :)

Thank you Panaiyota for all the new things that you've introduced me to.