Life is often about..

smirking when you get in trouble just because you know it's funny
deep, long, tug-on-the-lip kisses
taking a nap when all else fails
flipping coins to make any decision
mid-night swims to test if water can wash away everything
believing in the stars even when they're not shinning
believing in love even when you're completely alone
believing in God, when he chooses to be silent
going on strange adventures
taking your shoes off and walking around barefoot
rambling on and on about the same things
giving someone the best compliment a person with your amount of stress can muster
making a cd for one trip
getting the giggles
playing with your best friends hair to help her fall asleep
putting your hands up to worship
holding hands
talking to strangers
the moment you turn in that gosh awful project that you stayed up all night doing
singing the same song over and over and over again
curling your hair just to go to sleep
silently coming in at 2 a.m.
hugging your mom
laughing till a 12 pack is for sure coming
forgiving someone.
the moment you take a deep breath and decide you're going to be perfectly fine.
picking your team mate up & saying "shake it off"
& sometimes breathing is enough. because it proves to you, you're still alive
isn't that what life's all about?  being so alive.

Hallelujah, hallelujah.I believe.

I'm giving my life to only one who makes the moon reflect the Sun.

On that starry night he changed my life.

I'm giving my life to the only Son who gave me hope when I had none.

I'm giving my life to only Son who was, and is, and yet to come.

Every Angel sings that he is heavenly, let the praises ring cause' he is everything.

[Can I get an Amen?]

Sometimes I get so lost trying to find myself,

and I forget my reminder is just a glance away

all there is to really do is look at how the moon reflects the Sun.

Let that be your example.

Be the moon reflect the Son.

He'll light up the path you need to travel on, just as he lights up the sky even at night.

Just stop distracting me, world.

I've had 12 weeks to get this science project done
& guess how much I have done..... (:
& guess when it's due? If you said tomorrow then
you are correct.

Procrastination is my middle name.

Oh well. you know.

There's a boy.. who I guess you can say I admire him and his unique ways.

He's probably unlike anyone I've ever met.

He's that boy that you're not beee efff eff with but he shows up in your life again and again and you vent to him randomly just because he's fantastic.

Yes. The type that makes you swoon even subconsciously..

anyway..to the story...

"Hey I wanted to be honest with you and say I know ____ is a good guy with you but I really cant stand the guy. I know I told you to give him a chance but honestly I don't think he is who makes himself out to be in front of you and I know that what i say doesn't matter but remember I love you and care for you..." -Him

"I just don't understand...what do you mean?" -Me

"He's not good enough for you .. yes I'm a lil drunk but natt you deserve the world he's an a** to me and my brother anytime we play him.idk maybe I just wish I knew what you needed don't worry about what I'm saying natt just be happy and I will be happy." -Him

"Well now I dint know what to think . I mean, if the guy I thought was good is really bad. Then who's really good anymore? If he isn't who he appears to be then he is a very good actor in front of me, thanks for being honest and thanks for caring." -Me

I was totally confused by this conversation he was telling me this about a guy that has liked me for so long the guy I talk about in this blog.... click right here.

We had always talked about this guy and he would give me tons of advice... so I was def baffled.
I thought there is no way...
So I did some undercover research and I figured out that there is two guys with the same nickname that have showed up in various places at the same time. But this time were he spotted this boy and where I knew he was ..didn't exactly matchup..

"Wait.. which _____are you talking about?" -Me

"Not the one from Surry" -Him

"That's the one I've been talking about all this time... is it possible that for 3 years we have been talking about two different people" -Me

"Wow nat. omgosh. This is so funny Nat..Everything is going to be okay I love that _____ he genuine." -Him

"We suck.. at life." -Me

"Well what do we have to say to each other now..?" - him

"how does this happen" -me

"Miscommunication big time" - him

"Like 3 years big time.." -me

" I feel like seriously what the crap did we just do .. that's 3 years of this" -him

Yes. for 3 years all the advice all the conversations were about two different people.
Say (I) If you think we're going to be great spouses one day, with our super communication skills.

& sometimes I just .

You know those nights when you read countless blogs,
scrolling down to see if you find any cute picture of couples.
You're listening to something like you by Adele, and I sit here and all I can do is..
laugh.
yep, 15 min of nothing but laughter.
Don't ask me why everything is funny right now.

Perfect statement.

Five days of nooooo schooooooll.

Now that I may drink to.

drink coffee of course.

Just a tad.

My AP US History class is a constant throw down.
Today was probably one of the worst days.
Our junior class use to be the tigthest..
Let's be honest here .. it basically started with a couple
that were together for like 3 years.
This turned in to much of a tragedy rather than a love story, ever since then
we spent our time taking sides.
The boys in our grade are very sexist
in fact in this particular class they've all been sitting in the front these past few days
taking most of the girls seat to prove that the girls talk way to much
and they couldn't listen
anyway.
Mr.Freeman our brave teacher threw out a debate...
& of course the most controversial  Gay Rights.
I say props to the first five min we were doing good .
Then
the personal attacks come in..
you heard things like

" Be very careful what you're saying I have gays in my family and you 're really offending me."

"This is why men hate women, can't shut up enough to hear anything."

"You just hate everyone you can't get in bed with you."

"Next time we have a debate how about you go sit out side and mingle with your thumbs."

"You're so closeminded.."

"Stop interrupting me. I heard you, now listen to me."

I even heard a

"Shut the ***** up"

"Wow guys. We all sound like that class from freedom writers. " <-- very true Andrew.
The debate was actually good .. then you started hearing things that had nothing to do with the debate
but just being mean in general.

Then Mr.Freeman hands a student a ruler and said "Next time I even think
about having a debate with this class beat me with this ruler please."

Our class is very intelligent, extremely intelligent.
But also extremely opinionated, hardheaded with very strong personalities.
We all want the last word..
we have a lot to learn about life, about love, about patience, about the other gender, about equality, about making a home, about listening, about it all.  it's evident, including myself.
I come right along with this .. sometimes.. I just can't bite my tongue.

p.s. secretly .. like way down deep in our souls so deep you can't even see it
we may just love each other just a tad. I mean think about it we love each other just enough
to tell each other how we really feel.

It's who you've always been.

I forgave,

I was made to live light heartily.

Doesn't stop the disappointment of the change that I still haven't seen in you.

Forgiving means forgetting & sure I consider this neither of our faults anymore.

Life happens.

Don't know if it's because I expected some kind of out reach

or because I've seen you move from one to another so quickly.

The feelings are gone but you never stop wondering about a person..

& I sit here thinking when is reality going to hit you?

There is nothing I do better than.... be a slacker.

I'm currently wearing yellow finger nail polish.
It's banana scent.
As I ate chips I licked my fingers and it turns out they taste like bananas too.
Two thumbs up.
for one lazy Saturday.
I ate eggs, a cheeseburger,fries, Stromboli, and Chinese and it's only 3:30.
I'm going to take a nap enjoy the thought of only a 2 day week before thanksgiving break.
Semesters finally  almost  over.
& I'm not gonna miss it one bit...
Nap time.
(:

Makes me smileee.

I swear.

I swear I get fevers at least twice every week.
I self diagnosed myself...
I hate school so much emotionally that physically it's melting me one fever at a time.
I shall call this diagnosis Whenyouhateschoolsomuchemotionallythatphysicallyitmeltsyouonefeveratatime.


On the bright side I saved a life today.
Before I donated blood my fever was 99.7 .. so I had to wait a little while then they checked me again it was 99.0 therefor I could still give blood. After I gave blood my body went nuts & sent my temperature to 101.
I stayed in the office and bothered the lady at the front desk.. named Mrs.Freeman and complained to her for a good 30 min about how much I didn't want to be there. She's pretty much great for never getting annoyed with me or acting like she doesn't at least..
Then I went home..
I guess I'm sick.
I mean I don't know what of.
I guess school...
It has to be . I swear.

I love Jackie.

And suddenly I had a change of thought, I'm so bipolar.
It pretty much goes like this..
Cool, chill ,it's  straight. I don't care how single I am then the lonely feeling that I
described in a previous post comes along.[&] It's a cycle.
Now, with out even a trace to know how I did it.
I had a change.
I don't care.
I'm not lonely. I know I never truly was but it was the emotion of it that felt strangling to me.
It's gone now.
& I hope this just isn't temporary and just isn't part of the cycle. This is what I wanted to just be free from feelings because
at the end loneliness is a feeling.
I don't feel the "I wanna be in love"
It just... went. away...
the thought of having someone sounded "nice" ...remember?. Now it doesn't sound too appealing
like it did.
Maybe there is just too many things to do.
Please please please let it be that I'm finally "Letting go [&] letting God"
interesting. very interesting..

Explanation for my Title: I love my friend Jackie. Who had heard me say "I'm lonely" so many times.[&] she finally heard the magical words "I don't feel lonely anymore" after all this time. She talked to me till weee hours of the night [&] honestly if it wasn't for her..I don't know who I'd be right now.