Lost.

I experienced something so indescribable. I'm not going to blog about the story because there wont be enough words I can possibly master to help you understand what I'm talking about.
I feel lost and confused and in desperate need of answers.
I experienced something so supernatural that I'm completely awe-struck and the mere fact that I can't understand it has left me in a sort of a numb state...
at 16 the God of everything chose to me to be "gifted" he gave me a "talent" to the benefit of his glory. Hopefully later on I'll find the meaning, the reasoning to the things I don't understand, to grasp the things I saw, to the the ability I received. That I don't even believe I'm worthy enough to deserve.
I've always known he would speak to me. It was different then i had imagined he had to place a heavy burden that I hold no record of ever having reasons to have such a sorrow placed upon me. He showed me through my own body that he gives and he takes a way.
He gave me the experience, the burden, the ability to speak through me.. then he took it a way and it felt like he also left.
it was beautiful don't get me wrong.. but it was also so unfamiliar.
it sounds so strange but that's how it feels.
He was so near and now it's like he's gone. Being in such scare, then in such glory then back to your normal senses leaves you walking around like you're on a cloud.
If I could sum it up it feels like someone I never knew and loved so dearly left me.

  I don't expect anyone to understand I experienced it in flesh and can't even grasp it.
it sounds crazy
and  scary.
and why do i always talk about things like this?
I'm  fearfully wonderfully made and I need to convince myself that, that's how I will forever remain.

I just need answers..
a lot of answers.