before I go, happy fathers day daddy.

..because I'm going to be gone for fathers day, I hope you all appreciate dad day and spend some quality time with your fathers.


oh father of mine..
You've made it so difficult for me to find a boy to date so far dad, not because you're strict when it comes to dating, in fact you're so chill about most things. But because you've set the bar way up there, it is said that 97 percent of women marry a man like their dad. Needless to say,  I think I'm going to be one of them girls. Mom always says "good luck finding a man like your dad because there isn't many", as I get older I'm starting to see that. It's funny because they ask me what I look for in a guy, I'm giving away the secret here! If they would mimic you, follow you around and see how you acted, how you treated your wife, your kids, then they treated me that way. That would be the key, that's the answer. I look for you...even subconsciously.
What makes it funnier is that they won't do that daddy, they won't get near you to study you because you pull off the whole strong, silent thing like a pro. They're afraid of you and it makes me giggle. They don't know you have such a bubbly personality, that you're such a funny, easy going man, and that you dance around in the living room with all 7 of your daughters. Then again, they should be afraid because if anyone tried to hurt us, or make us feel inferior, you would be the first to come out of the cave.
 Once people get to know you, they instantly fall in love with your charm, and your good good heart.
You're so good to people dad and you raised us to be good to everyone too.
I love that about you, that you're so humble and selfless

I love that you're such a soccer dad and have coached 8429759847529384 teams.
I love that you make stepping on your grass a  bigger deal then coming in at 3 in the morning.
I love how cool you are.
I love when mom says that I'm just like you because I feel like she's complimenting me..sometimes. ;)
I love how you randomly give us 30 min lessons about life that always make Yaritza & Giselle cry.
I love how you make fun of mom all the time.
I love that you already asked mom if I can have visitors at camp.
I love that you're my friend,  my good pal.
I really do hope to find a man as wonderful as you.
You're wise, handsome, genuine, and everything a father should be.

I love you papi!
Happy Fathers Day!

live like this.

It's morning now,
and the sun blazes through the window allowing me to see the dust dancing around in the light that breaks in around the curtains.
My sluggish, feverish body gives me strength to make tea and I convince myself it's okay to add two spoons full of honey. I sit comfortably in my couch and press the cup to my lips and take a tiny sip. I make it swirl a bit around my mouth before I let it run down my throat. I admire the taste of tea, cool enough to not sting my tongue but hot enough to make me warm.
Though I'm physically ill,  my mind is at peace, I only think about my delicious tea and the restful day that lies ahead of me.
In the midst of my solitary enjoyment, the thought of you comes crashing in my brain like waves on a stormy night.
"noooo" I whisper, get out of my head.
That's what I hate the most, that the memory of you attacks me not when I'm at my worst but when I'm not struggling with any mental demons, when I'm completely content.
That's when you so easily slip into my very thoughts, re-captivate my soul, and a flood of emotions, flashbacks, and pain come in and I very bitterly relive it all.
You don't deserve me to be smitten with you, for me to still remember.
My lovely, gentle readers, I hope you never feel the way I do  in remembrance of him. I hope no one ever in your short years, make you feel so useless, so inferior, so helpless and lost.
May you never gasp for air, only to attain more wrenching sobs. I hope you never let someone so deep, so hidden in your insides, that getting them out is torture all the way to the bones.
May your first love, be your only love because if  not, I'm afraid  you're forced to live like this.

brand new days.

The room was silent but we had both yet to drift off into sleep.
One in the morning had rolled around and after a great day spent, and our nightly prayers said, we just laid there both drowned in thought.

Breaking the silence she turns to me, now facing me and says "How do you let go? It's been two weeks since the worst day of my existence. That's not a long time, but how do you ever move on?"

"Emily" I gently said, "I haven't figured it out yet."

The morning broke in and the sun creeped through the blinds with out their permission, and we awoke to a beautiful day. When I stepped outside, the warm sun kissed my face forcing my eyes to adjust to light. The first thing that came to my mind was "It's a brand new day"

 I'm too young to know all the pain that life can give and most certainly how bad it can get.
As of right now though, as a sixteen year old girl, I'm going to rely on how it feels when God gives you the privilege of waking up to a new day.
Emily, that's my most sincere, to the utmost of my very little wisdom, answer of how to let go.
That's where my hope of letting go to what hurts will lie, on a bunch of brand new days, one after another, after another. Until it's my time to walk with Jesus.
What do you call one brand new day after another? Time.
& time heals what reason can't.

 God loves us that much, that as long as he lets us live, he also lets us have brand new days.
We can start over, and over, and over as many times as we please.
So here's to brand new days that'll lead you to healing.
Here's to morning air and this beautiful, strong willed, freckled faced girl that I've grown so fond of

Here comes the .. sunshine!

.