I love you more than you can fathom.

My brother turn his head to me, his eyes were widen, full of fear.
It's like he was pleading with his eyes for me to stop the car, his air bag exploded, his head slung back then disappear behind white powder.

I could smell smoke, and all it took was 4 sec for me to know what I had done.
Every thing else is blurry but those four seconds are crystal clear in my head.

And in those 4 sec, I prayed. 

I closed my eyes and prayed 3 words.

"Jesus protect us."

My eyes open to the sudden stop of the car, we were backwards, and my baby sisters screams from the back seat were keeping my eyes from closing again. 

My brother unbuckled his seat belt that he hung from, and laid his hands out in front of him to catch himself, blood covering his nostrils. Reading my face he quickly and in a surprisingly calm voice says "I'm okay, I'm okay, lets get out". He tried several times to open his door but it wouldn't budge. He banged it one last time in sheer frustration, he was stuck in from his side, so he began to crawl over to my side to get out.

I felt as if something was crushing my abdominal. Perhaps it was the aftermath feeling in your stomach when air is knocked straight out of your lungs, or, maybe something was really pressing against me. I felt pressure, but no pain and had no time to look down. I opened my door, then quickly unbuckled my seat belt and forced myself out. My feet hit the muddy ground, my knees threaten to give out and I struggled to keep my balance, I was so dizzy. I slung open my sisters door, and slightly bent down enough for her to crawl on to my body, wrapping her legs around my hips and hands around my neck. Sebastian hugged me from the side, resting his head on my shoulder, they were both breathing and sobbing heavily on my neck. 

I was thankful for their cries, because cries meant conscious, and conscious meant heart beat, and heart beat meant life. 

Their cries were the sound of a 2nd chance.

The only words I could utter were "Jesus protected us" over, and over again as I stroked her hair that was soaked from the rain. I couldn't say anything else other than the fact that the good Lord had saved us.

Two ladies arrived and helped me call 911 and my parents, my mom came and took my siblings and calmed them down with her embrace, as well as herself with theirs.
The sigh of relief finally left my body, I hadn't realized how tense I was until I looked down to see the whiteness of my knuckles from being balled up into a fist.
My body loosened and that's when I started to feel pain on my knee and chest, then I Suddenly heard a distant but loud ring in my ear.
 I grabbed my head trying to make it stop and I cried fiercely.

My emotions caught up to me, and I sobbed uncontrollably I could have killed them.
It all came rushing to me, I looked at the completely totaled car and cried louder. 

The lady took me into her arms, and attempted to calm me down, I broke free from her grasp and walked the other way. My mom came to me and cupped my face in her hands and repeatedly told me to calm down. I'm not the type to let my feelings escape me in such a hysteric way but it came pouring out of me, and for 10 minutes I kept reliving the scene. My shrieks wouldn't cease and continued to fill the air and I could hardly breathe. 

Finally, they managed to control me, my breathing got as back to rhythm as it possibly could in that situation, after that I just silently cried.
My friend who had been waiting for me at Aunt Beas showed up and ran to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
His presence calmed me down even more, and I'm sure I looked like Frankenstein bride but he held me anyway.
He told me I had mascara running all the way down to my lips, I giggled at the mental image of myself.
I let out another sigh of relief, this time allowing peace to settle in and I attempted to let it reign my thoughts and body.
& it did.
I managed to push away all the "What ifs"
It was going to be okay.
We were okay.

The next two hours consisted of
tears.hugs.cops.people.buses.questions. umbrellas.phone calls. hot showers. and grateful prayers..

I sleep cry at night, it messes with my head but
I see pictures of my car and I can't help but think that God loves more than I can ever possibly fathom.
 That wasn't luck, that was crazy love.

His crazy love, he's always so faithful in presence.

& once again, Jesus,  you heard my voice.

" I see you, and I made you, and I love you more than you can imagine, more than you can fathom"