like you can't imagine

If you know me, then you probably know that this year has been really tough on me.
It hasn't gotten any better.
Nothing has gone in my favor.
My ankle is currently swollen and nothing I do is making it go away, we've already lost 3 starters and we're two wins away from playoffs.
I still don't know where I'm going to college.
I have 3 AP test coming up, that I'm almost 100 percent sure I'm not going to get credit on any of them.
I still don't know how to heal this hurt.
I suck at venting, so I bottle it up and something sets it off and bam! my hands turn purple, my breath is short, and I'm back to the world of anxiety attacks.

Writing is my form of escape but I haven't even been doing that, it frustrates me.
I love to read and now picking up a book makes me more anxious about everything.
Everything that I love is turning into a slave of this damn mental dieses.
I'm way too good at pretending my feelings don't exist, I try to make everything okay.
I'm such a proud person.
I'm feeling helpless like you feel a fever.
I'll give advice like I live by it, when I don't, not at all... not even a little.



I don't think I've wrote one happy thing since Summer.
I'm being a sorry excuse of a Christian at this point, has the love that I speak so loudly of grown cold?
I'm so tired, like. you. can't. imagine.

The future has never looked so blurry, so uncertain, so scary as it does right now.