This is not my dream.

Is it okay to be burden by what God wants for you?
Is it okay? I don't know. Was I? Yes, very much so.

I wanted to leave, I didn't think I would be in Surry County going to SCC or working at Mountain View Restaurant.
That wasn't my plan.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I believe that I knew but because it's not what I wanted.. I fought it. I remember last Fall before even applying to colleges I told Abby, "I'm scared that God wants me to stay in Surry County."

I didn't want to accept it, that I was called to be here for whatever reason, just for a little longer.
I said, "okay God, here I am," it hurt me having to let Queens University go with out a fight if I'm being completely honest.

 I have been going non stop , last week alone.. Thursday-Sunday I worked and did homework, Mon-Wed I was in the library for a total of 16 HOURS. 

I'm a little exhausted, my face is just not starting to clear up, and all together I don't feel swell about myself.  In my weariness, the devil tries to trip me up, and is telling me to connect the dots, figure out the perfect puzzle.  This whole time a little voice in the back of my head is asking, "what's your purpose? This was Gods purpose.. work, school, not a lot of friends?"

But Christianity is not a perfect puzzle! I don't have to know why I'm here right now,  I can feel God working in ME, slowly but surely. Why does the devil make us believe that we need to have this sweet, perfect, picture of life?

It's all for the better, Gods never left me hanging.
I doubt..but he is faithful when I am not.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, WHEREVER you may call me.