Once again, this one's for you.

 
 
 
 

Nineteen?!
This is insane, oh, happy day to you my friend!
 
Thank you for loving me, for taking care of me, for always having my back.
You know me so well, and you love me so well.
Thank you for knowing that I love words, and writing me letters, notes, blogs. For knowing that I need the affirmation.
And thank you for turning right around, and following up your words with service.
Your actions, the way you treat my siblings like your own, the way you're always willing to come over and clean.
Thanks for 30 minutes of prayers, where you forgot about your problems, you forgot about the world, and you prayed for me.
Thank you, for your ears, because you always listen.
Thank you, for your arms, that both embrace me, and are a helping hand to me.
Thank you, for your spirit, that's always alive, and ready to run into adventures with me.
Thank you, for your mouth, that has got me in trouble, that has encouraged me, and that has defended me.
Thank you, for your heart, it goes with out saying, it's incredibly good.

Happy Birthday EmBigs,
I love you x3235879843725983439580439.

I need your help.

Hi friends,

I have a request that is actually a huge step for me in my walk with Christ.
I'm asking you to pray for me, how is that a huge step? I've never asked anyone
outside of my very closest friends to pray for me. Perhaps, it's been a pride thing, I'm not
sure, but here I am.. open, desperate, vulnerable, and asking for your prayers.
If you're reading this now then you've probably read my blogs before, therefore, you probably
are very much aware that I suffer from anxiety and nightmares.
Ya'll I have never experienced something so beautiful and so horrid as what I have these past few weeks.
My walk with Christ is on fire in the most wonderful, amazing, breath taking, way possible. I'm fasting, I'm digging in the word, I'm praying. It's been such a leap in my faith, my relationship with Jesus has grown in ways I could never imagine. It's like there's non of me left, I am shedding layers off, and I don't know how else to say that I am not myself. It's hasn't only been me, but my family as well. Since my grandma went home to be with the Lord my family has started to chase Jesus so fervently. His power is made perfect in weakness and that is so evident in my life right now.

Then what is all this fuss about?
On the other side is an enemy that exist, though he has already been defeated, he still has a plan to steal, kill, and destroy. Sleeping is something I've always struggled with, and it's gotten a lot worse. He isn't attacking with family issues, friend issues, not with partying, not with sexual temptations. It's with me in my most physically vulnerable state of being. I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart beating so hard I can't hear myself think. I wake up but my body is weak, so droopy, and something tells me that God isn't real. I try to fight back but in my weariness I can't think of scripture, I can't think of anything. At the moment, I feel like I believe it, all the way to my bones it hits me when I hear "Jesus isn't real." And I cry, and when I wake up I'm frustrated with myself because I felt defeated, because I couldn't say, "Yes He is, go back to where you came from." At times, I'm frustrated with God and I ask, "what do you want from me? What can I do?"  I'm scared to sleep, I can't find peace, and I need your prayers. Because Jesus is real, Jesus lives, and I believe in the power of prayer, and the power of Jesus Christ that rests in you.