Hi friends,
I have a request that is actually a huge step for me in my walk with Christ.
I'm asking you to pray for me, how is that a huge step? I've never asked anyone
outside of my very closest friends to pray for me. Perhaps, it's been a pride thing, I'm not
sure, but here I am.. open, desperate, vulnerable, and asking for your prayers.
If you're reading this now then you've probably read my blogs before, therefore, you probably
are very much aware that I suffer from anxiety and nightmares.
Ya'll I have never experienced something so beautiful and so horrid as what I have these past few weeks.
My walk with Christ is on fire in the most wonderful, amazing, breath taking, way possible. I'm fasting, I'm digging in the word, I'm praying. It's been such a leap in my faith, my relationship with Jesus has grown in ways I could never imagine. It's like there's non of me left, I am shedding layers off, and I don't know how else to say that I am not myself. It's hasn't only been me, but my family as well. Since my grandma went home to be with the Lord my family has started to chase Jesus so fervently. His power is made perfect in weakness and that is so evident in my life right now.
Then what is all this fuss about?
On the other side is an enemy that exist, though he has already been defeated, he still has a plan to steal, kill, and destroy. Sleeping is something I've always struggled with, and it's gotten a lot worse. He isn't attacking with family issues, friend issues, not with partying, not with sexual temptations. It's with me in my most physically vulnerable state of being. I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart beating so hard I can't hear myself think. I wake up but my body is weak, so droopy, and something tells me that God isn't real. I try to fight back but in my weariness I can't think of scripture, I can't think of anything. At the moment, I feel like I believe it, all the way to my bones it hits me when I hear "Jesus isn't real." And I cry, and when I wake up I'm frustrated with myself because I felt defeated, because I couldn't say, "Yes He is, go back to where you came from." At times, I'm frustrated with God and I ask, "what do you want from me? What can I do?" I'm scared to sleep, I can't find peace, and I need your prayers. Because Jesus is real, Jesus lives, and I believe in the power of prayer, and the power of Jesus Christ that rests in you.
I love you, Nat Chavez! Praying for you sis
ReplyDeleteI have recently started this book called "The Mind of Christ". (It's a book I never finished from 5 years ago.) Let me tell you, I feel renewed. My relationship has grown so much in such a small amount of time. One bible verse this book goes over is Ephesians 2:8 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God". I have seen this verse all my life. It hit me in the face. The question before this said "Why do you deserve to go to Heaven?" I of course answered with "I......, That was wrong. I realized I have done nothing! I can never do anything to get into Heaven! I was blind, thinking I had to earn my way. I am not a sinner because I sin; I sin because I am a sinner. I deserve hell, we all do. I do not Deserve His Love...but I realize that is what Grace is. A love we cannot earn and do not deserve; It is a gift.(Jesus Christ) Then I researched the word Faith. "Complete trust or Confidence in someone". I needed Faith. I was afraid to trust Jesus because of fear. (doesn't make sense, but that is what Satan does....he uses fear) I have fully surrendered; King Jesus has my Trust now. This Earth is our temporary dwelling place. Nothing matters but Glorifying God our Father, and being a shinning light. I may not know where I am being lead, but I know who is Leading me.
ReplyDelete... and guess what my daily scripture book was about that night......................FAITH!!! Hebrews 11:1. Read the whole chapter and it was one of the most Wonderful/Beautiful Scriptures I have ever read. Jesus was there the whole time. I know this is not really direct to your blog, but I am so excited and I wanted to type it and tell someone. I will pray for you and I ask you to pray for me as well. Christ Jesus is always with you. Have Faith!
God Bless you Nathallie.
Thank you for your words! They mean more to me than you know. I'm so glad you shared this with me. You're right, we are so undeserving and He is so graceful. I wish you would tell me who you are. IF not, God knows who you are, and I'll pray for you as well.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you, my friend in Christ.