& sometimes you sit baffled trying to pin-point the exact moment when you lost everything you worked on. So you can maybe try and fix it a certain way with out having to start all over. Realizing you can't locate it much less find a solution to this, frustrates you.. Frustration turns in to anger which turn in to words that come out all wrong, to disappoint, which leads to what feels like another failure added to your name.
For 3 years we took on the world together, and we're still friends & I still have her back. Junior year has just been very rough for us. Extremely, extremely rough.
I just wanted to let everyone know, that I still love her & she knows it.
Even if we've passed by each other so many times this year with out saying a word.
I still do distinctively remember the times we would calculate how long it had been since we'd seen each other last.
I saw her grandma at Prom and we had a long, tight hug & I got choked up but shook it off.
How pretty would I have been with mascara running down my face and not being able to explain to everyone why I was crying?
& even though it's not the same, deep down, nothings changed. I still know who she is because I got to know every bit of her and I haven't forgotten... even if I've missed pieces and details of her life.
I'm ready to get it all back but it's difficult with no time, different schedule, one class together, getting a friendship back is turning into mountain climbing. It shouldn't be that way, so I'm letting God control it now. Because part of having faith in Christ, is trusting in his timing, I'm waiting for it to slowly come back instead of rushing it.
But it's been hard you know? It's been so hard with out love,pride, deep fried chicken, a best friend who's always sticking up for you even when they know you're wrong. No more first dances, freeze dried romances, 5 hour phone conversations, the best sweet potatoes that I had ever had, and of course her.
I always be in some way looking out for her, just like I promised her grandpa I would be.
I just miss her, that's all.
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