No matter what you say.

"They encounterd his blue eyes on several occasions"

Blue eyes.


He came & went. & went and came.
It was always that flirty "He's cute & I know he thinks I'm cute" kind of thing.
We talked then stopped for a few weeks then just when I was about to pull up the white flag
& surrender to any illusions I made myself he  thought it was the perfect time to come crashing back in .

He came back strong & was willing to prove to me
that he was ready to be with me
Needless to say , I was convinced .
Finally, it was time to seal the deal .
This was in my mind a last shot to find something, at last.
Well. wrong.After talking and in the verge of settling one day from the next he just stopped talking to me
leaving me with all these plans that we had together to mingle with myself in my own self-destruction. This time I can't say I was to blame, I was the victim in every way I looked at it.
Not a word was said just silence, he didn't give an explanation as to why he just stopped
& I was too prideful to ask. 8 months of shhhhh. It was the loudest silence I ever heard ..
He eventually came around and apologized & I forgave .
But...
No matter what you say, I still can't believe that you would walk away, it doesn't make sense to me.
I'll never really understand.
That's just how life goes.
You are just eventually up to your knees with dissapointment.

Rain is a good thing.

Italian boy.


He had a red sports car and a dimple, charming, and rumor had it that he knew how to get a lady. I had no interest in the beginning, It all unleashed at once, suddenly we were together everyday.   I should have known that my life likes to get tangled up, it tests me just to watch me make all the wrong choices. We weren't in love, not even close.

All we were then was speeding back to school to get me to practice on time, we were back road crusin, ya know, purposely taking the long way home.
I was struck for a while and when the leaves would change to bright colors something nudged me and reminded me. 
It wasn't much though, I mean, all we were was pond jumping maniacs, I was a jacket stealing machine, and he stopped at the same spot before dropping me off every night.
It was horse feeding, cooking failures, getting caught in the rain, slow country music in the back ground of every good conversation.
It was his mommas kisses on both of my cheeks always welcoming me in, the best dinner, sweet smile, another kiss on the cheek to remind me to come back again.


I had a blast with him.


We BOTH knew that it would go no where.

We grew fond of each other though, I grew comfortable with his presence, his hands, the smell of his car.
Our hearts weren't crazy for each other and unless it's crazy love, what's the point?
So we eventually called quits. It was sad but it had to be done..
I care about him, I do, I do, I do, this was just adventures, it was a step from healing from my previous heart ache with.. what's his name?
It was to show me that there was more out there, but being spontaneous can hurt sometimes too. When he was gone I felt a sting but the memory of it makes me smile above all.

He'll graduate soon and I really do hope we meet again in the future and become the friends I know we can be.
& I pray he'll follow his dreams and that he'll proudly serve our country one day.

The beginning of the end.

Just as I said I would here are the stories...


Number one.
"black hair boy with soft hands and a gentle touch"

I met him when I was about 11 through his cousin who at the time was my best friend.
The battle stretches out and the story is till this day in writing and boy number one will show up again .. & again. & again..

This was the beginning of a war & the end of my solid heart.
Who up until then had it all together & hadn't had a disappointment, not like this one at least.
I cannot blame him whom we will refer to as "black hair" for it all. I too was to blame
for fixing my eyes on someone taken, who had been for about 1 yr and a half when
I so very consciously jumped in their love story.

EVERYONE TOLD ME to stay away oh but when they said "Don't do it"
All I heard was "I dare you to" Have you met me? When I'm in the zone ..I'm in. Despite the fights
with all the people that did actually give two craps about me.
I was silly & believed everything it never really hit me that
if he liked me he would leave her for good I was blind & my soul was seen through my eyes
and my heart on my sleeve. Nothing like the person I am today.
.
I screamed & yelled and did everything in my hands for everyone to believe me
that I was saying the truth when he chose to lie about everything that had happen & to deny everything. Saying I was obsessed with him which was the only reason I was angry ...
I didn't understand what was so wrong about liking me? Why wasn't it okay?
When the truth was revealed his colors were seen like flashes of rainbows FINALLY scanning my eyes to show that he was not who he had said to be & I meant nothing..

I gave up & it was the best thing I ever did ... I laid my armor down and
disappeared .. he didn't hear from me for 10 months..

WHEN YOU FORGET HER DON'T YOU DARE . REMEMBER. ME..
I thought over and over and well over again.

I was doing fine, it wasn't easy that's for sure. I picked myself up and tried to gather all the scraps of my pride that was left and carefully attempted to glue it back to my at the time down-to-the-floor self-esteem.
This is when oh so graciously  boy number 2 comes in
"Italian boy" .....
(next blog)

Let the fun begin.

The question I was hoping wouldn't have been asked was of course
ASKED.
Your wish is my command.
I've thought about it & thought about it & came to say what the heck you want the stories?
The stories you shall have.

The Request:  Reveal the stories of the boys you wrote about in your poem "Eyes speak"

Will do.
All 3 stories will be on seperate blogs
& probably days at a time due to the time I never have.
Real names will not be mentioned, so do not get your hopes high. 

I should have told you

Dear Kyle,
I should have told you how much I appreciate you when you were around all the time.
I should have told you how great of a person I think you are.
I should have told you that I loved every Wed morning .
I should have told you that I loved singing with you.
I should have told you that I loved watching you play sports.
I should have told you that I loved the 2 min silence in the car before we started to talk.
I should have told you that I loved the smell of your car (Wait. i did.8579485 times)
I should have told you that you made my sophomore year something to remember.
I should have told you how much I loved that you love my family.
I should have told you that sending me daily verses was the biggest help.
I should have told you that I sometimes  stole 3 pieces of gum from your car :p
I guess it's better late than never, now that you're not around it just isn't the same.
Hanging out with you today made me realise how much I miss you.
I hope you find all the happiness you're looking for.
May God always Bless you & Keep you safe & smiling as always.
I love you!
                                                                    Love,
                                                                          the b word.
                                                                                that's right the BABY.

...&then I made a 57.

 My week wasn't exactly a rain of joy..
The worst part was when
I looked down at my 6 weeks test and BAMM
my test grade for AP US read 57..
half the class was about to either A.jump freeman or B.Jump out the window andthrow themselves in front of a moving vehicle.

(Mr.Freeman said it was not that terrible in the AP Language , which is still currently foreign to me)
However.. I came home to read this lovely email that just cranked the levy in my heart a little higher than where it originally was, which was in my stomach with all this disappointment.

The oh so gracious email.

 Reasons why I love Nathallie Lynette Chavez (you)…

1.      Your smile. Your smile is contagious. When I see you smiling, I can’t stop myself from smiling back. You light up whatever room you’re in and make everyone around you happy.

2.      You are a hopeless romantic. For a cynical realist like myself, your attitude towards love is refreshing, to say the least. I love how you think that there is someone in the world for everyone. I love that you never give up on love and are willing to help anyone find it (but yourself…)

3.      That look on your face when you think no one’s watching you. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve looked at you to find you staring intensely at whoever’s talking like your trying to see through them to their soul. You’ll just stand there, chewing on your lip until someone snaps you back to reality. It’s adorable.

4.     


Your laugh. You have the most distinctive laugh I have ever heard. Being the creepy stalker friend that I am… I can recognize your laugh and know that it’s you before I even see you.

5.      You are opinionated, steadfast in your beliefs, and sometimes just dang stubborn. There are many things we don’t agree on (like gays). I love how no matter how many times I talk to you about things you never change your mind. I love how you are so certain in your beliefs and ideals and nothing can shake you. I love how when I’m trying to explain something to you (like the L and M incident), I can say the EXACT SAME THING 20 times, and the 21st time I say it, you look at me and ask why I didn’t just say that in the beginning. I did.

6.     


You’re beautiful. You are sooo beautiful Nathallie. I can’t even describe how beautiful you are. I have never looked at you and not thought that you were beautiful. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I wish you could see what I see. But I’ll give you a quick summary of what I see; I see a hopeful, energetic, loving, thoughtful, and overall wonderful young woman that I am so grateful to have in my life. And she is beautiful.

7.      You tell me everything. I love hearing about your life. I love that you trust me enough to tell me about your life. I love listening to you talk about what happened the day before and you asking me what I think you should do. I love you allowing me to be a part of your life and trusting me with everything. I love giving you advice. I love that you care enough to listen.

8.      Your smell. This one’s a little sentimental… but I love how you smell. I can hug you and still smell you on my clothes when I get home. I love it.

9.      Your eyes. When you’re happy your eyes sparkle. When you’re trying not to laugh about something, I can see it in your eyes. When something happens that hurts you and you pretend you don’t care, I see the truth in your eyes. Your eyes are beautiful and distinctive just like the rest of you. I already told you, Jacob Scott had a picture of just your eye on his phone (don’t know why) and when he asked me who it was, I immediately said “Nathallie.” I love your eyes; they tell me what is going on in that head of yours before you say anything.

10.  You love me. I love that I feel like I can tell you anything. I love that you actually want to hear what I have to say. I love that for some reason you think I’m a good person. I love that you care about me. 

11.  Everyone loves you. I love that you have so many friends. I love that so many people go to you with their problems because they love and trust you. And even though I get jealous, I love that your heart has so much room in it for so many people and so many friends. And I am so glad that there is a tiny corner of your heart for me.

12.  You’re forgetful. I love that look you get when you realized you left something at home or forgot you had to be somewhere. It’s pretty much guaranteed you’ll smack yourself on the forehead and say “oh crap! I forgot ________” I love how when you leave somewhere, I always check to be sure you didn’t leave anything, although many times you do. I love the look you get when I walk up to you and hand you something you forgot.

13.  You’re SUPER religious and devote. No, I am not atheist. I just love god in a different way than you. It absolutely drives me crazy when you start quoting the bible to me!! I know what the bible says! I just don’t think you should take it literally. It’s not 500AD anymore. But I still love your seemingly random references to God, even though they really annoy me.

14.  .I love that the life you have is so different from mine. I love that you love your family so much.

I love everything about you. When you love someone, it’s not despite their flaws and imperfections. It’s because of them. Including them. Well… I love you way more than you will EVER know and there is NOTHING I wouldn’t do for you. I will always be here for you. I’m so ridiculously glad you’re a part of my life. You are someone I will never forget or stop loving. I’ll just say it one more time… I LOVE YOU!!!!

Was your father an alien? Cause there's nothing else like you on Earth.

Just wanted to give a ginormous thank you

to all of you who in the past few months have busted my blog views through the roof.

I'm so grateful.

also to encourage you to blog as well it's so much fun!

Unfortunately I do not know who exactly views my blog

or I would personally thank you.

Including all my viewers from Alaska! That's just so incredible to me!

& also to all those of you who with all the guts in the world messaged me usually starting with

"this is going to sound creepy but...." 

 I don't find it all creepy, it's such a compliment.

DO NOT BE AFRAID to send me a message all you

facebook viewers (that's where more than half of my viewers come from)

YES I'M TALKING TO YOU.. message me!

let me know you read, give me a topic to write about, give me your opinion, ask me random questions.

I am up for it all...

THANK YOUUUU!

Eyes Speak.

If my eyes could speak instead of my mouth
I think they would be so overwhelmed that
it would be almost impossible for them to contain it in
the mouth is strong to contain words but I believe that my eyes,
they'd be weak.. this is what my eyes would say..

If my eyes could talk what wouldn't they say

they'd drag you in with all their brown glory

and tell you a few stories
they'd tell you a story of when I was 13

 their voice would start getting all high & excited as they begin to describe

a time when they became vulnerable, so weak that they let my soul be seen

they became stubborn and wanted only one set of eyes to look back at them

they'd tell you how they rolled like most 13 year old girls eyes do 

when words of wisdom try to come near
to tell them not to get so caught up

because he was only out to steal a spark

...but of course young eyes don't realize.
Stay a little longer to listen to them scream in fury and curse his name

 because they'd tell you how the fingers of life cruelly forced them open

 they'd blame the black haired boy with soft hands and a gentle touch
 for making them weary for 10 months 
but it doesn't stop with that one boy the journey continues

They'd stop and take a deep breath though, because the first dissapointment is always the hardest, it's the one that still to this day you can't seem to grasp

Then they'd tell you of how they became anxious and started to seek again

Even though the heart knew that this army suited boy with beach tanned skin
wasn't it 
but for a while their they wanted entertainment

"It was good to stare at his Italian skin so nice and warm" they'd giggle and say
 Oh! his looks were glorious almost made them forget

of how foolish they had once been

but never seemed to unravel quite the same spark

so again on their way to sought a forever possession

Then they found an interesting light skin, blonde haired boy

they encountered his blue eyes on several occasions

These blue eyes hid and that's what made them so desirable
they'd tell you how those eyes too lied and were too scared to face these now strong brown eyes
that learned to forgive but hasn't been able to catch a glimpse of any other eyes
all they do now is hope & look towards the skies.

What the eyes see make the heart strong but eyes alone are far to weak to stay quite and not speak

-Nathallie Chavez

Eyes do speak though & loud & why are they weak? because eyes are nothing but doorways to the heart.You just have to look at them long enough because no matter what they'll eventually start revealing on their own.Eyes are weak even at their strongest. Maybe that's why you can't hear eyes literally talking, being so connected with the heart they'd spill their guts.

I was Enchanted to meet you.

I like to notice people to catch the little twist to them that makes them who they are.. and well.. I met a guy at camp and as much as I picked at it I couldn't find his twist..
no I didn't like him nor had a crush on him .. I may be completely wrong in my opinions about him.. but..
He was something else in my eyes
I just couldn't untwist him ....
I bet he barley noticed me but that doesn't matter because I observed him (in a non-creepy way, promise..okay maybe a little creepy)
& listening to Taylor Swift's song Enchanted it triggered some sparks in me... that's exactly how I felt... well almost..
I totally joked around and wasn't at all shy but I just needed a way to see under his skin and I miserably failed. . all I know is what makes him even more delightful is the way he praises God,loudly, freely, with such a fire that I envied from the start..I don't know much about him but what I do know is that I was Enchanted to meet him..
and I'll spend forever wondering if he knew. .

 . but that's what writing is for right? Perfect way to take a swing at what you want to say even if you can't seem to find all the right words but you write anyway because something in you tells you that the strive will liberate what you're dieing to scream & this is my very attempt to write a song about my very own enchantment, I tried to put to words a certain charm he left ..
& he'll never know ... because he'll never know this is about him. More than likely he will never ever read my blog & if he does he might be tickled to death or completely and totally creeped out .. oh the what if's in life. (:
A SONG.
coming soon **

You've got every right.

This is going to be real dumb and really corny
but honestly it's how I roll.

Don't you dare let someone make you believe that you're anything less than perfect.God makes no mistakes...

You made me insecure,
Told me I wasn't good enough.
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough?
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself.
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else.

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

I'm no beauty queen
I'm just beautiful me

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

You've got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon

[Chorus:]
Who says, who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'?
Trust me, that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty?
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

[Verse 2:]
It's such a funny thing
How nothing's funny when it's you
You tell 'em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth
It's like a work of art
That never gets to see the light
Keep you beneath the stars
Won't let you touch the sky

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

I'm no beauty queen
I'm just beautiful me

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

You've got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon

[Chorus:]
Who says, who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'?
Trust me, that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty?
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

[Bridge:]
Who says you're not star potential?
Who says you're not presidential?
Who says you can't be in movies?
Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don't pass the test?
Who says you can't be the best?
Who said, who said?
Won't you tell me who said that?
Yeah, who said?

[Chorus:]
Who says, who says you're not perfect? (Yeah)
Who says you're not worth it? (Yeah yeah)
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'? (Ooooh)
Trust me, that's the price of beauty (Hey yeah, beauty)
Who says you're not pretty? (Who said?)
Who says you're not beautiful? (I'm just beautiful me)
Who says?

Who says, Who says, you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'?

[Chorus:]
Who says, who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'?
Trust me, that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty?
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

Stop taking the elevator you stupid teenager.

When requested by a friend to blog I asked myself what the heck do I wanna write about?
I've blogged about Beffer way to much , I might as well have named my blog "Nothing about me & everything about Jessica"
I've already vented about wanting to leave this place and GUESS WHAT. I still wanna leave here. I know. I know .I still shouldn't wish my life here a way.
I've talked about everything going wrong with junior year and GUESS WHAT.Everything is still going wrong. I know. I know. I should count my blessings not my problems.
So I'll let ya in on something else.
I'm going to be a cat lady one day. .. that is right a CAT LADY.
why? because there is no one out there for me.
Boys are stupid, and so are girls.
AND So is teenage relationships.
Young love is stupid. & we all lack knowledge, instead of taking the stairs in the fire
we all take the elevator. That's what young love is, it's being impatient and taking the elevator even if the stairs is the safe way out .I mean lets save the firemen some time and get out by ourselves! Which we are responsible to do so to begin with when there is clearly a sign saying "in case of fire take the stairs"  but ya know why we don't? Because we like the firemen to come get us ,we like the feeling of rescue ... we hope he's good looking and he ends up being our prince charming ... so we keep taking the elevator.
I'm not taking the elevator but ya know what I'm tired of going down the stairs..
I'm jumping out the window & if i don't die I'm buying cats and being a cat lady.
Crappy blog because I'm in a crappy mood.

hahaha.wait. Dog lady.
I'm scared of cats...