I'm Forgiven.

Let me clarify because it seems to be necessary.
I don't post status about my religious views because I believe I'm better than anyone or I believe I'm secretly chosen by God. Don't get me wrong I have pride in worshiping my Savior just because I do post bible verses and such doesn't mean I don't ever make mistakes. I know when I do make one little mistake everything I've ever said having to do with my religion will be thrown back in my face and I'll be called a hypocrite. If that's the prize I have to pay for striving to be Christlike then let it be.
I don't claim to the world that I'm perfect but I believe in a love that is.
That God loves anyway.
The bible if full of failures.
Failures that God redeems.
& that's what I am a failure that God has redeemed.

come on. we all do it.

Teenage girls are well teenage girls, enough said.
over thinking is our specialty and we do anything we can to show the world just how freaken independent we are.
there you are on your computer or watching t.v. and your phone viberates..
you look and it says...
"Hey"
and it's him...

just kidding not him.
but it's HIM!! the horrible terrible boy that "ruined your life"..
this is good. no no no . this is bad. very bad.
"omg I'm not texting back, im soo much stronger now."

*few min later
you look at that" hey" and you're so mad..JEEEZ how dare he text me! what a jerrrrkkkkkk!
with all the will power in the world you go the whole day without texting back to his
stupid "Hey"... you call every single one of your friends and you go nuts babbling on about how stupid he is if he even dreams about getting anywhere near you.

now...
It's 11.pm.. you're listening to some sappy Taylor Swift song.
and you look at the "Hey" and suddenly a rush of emotion hits and you write out
a huge long text message about life, and love and things we really don't have any idea about but we think we do.
then you erase it... then...
you grab the phone, you know it's a bad idea.. but there is nothing stopping you now and you say..

&it's 2a.m. and i'm cursing your name.

You know that moment in life when you wish you and someone else were just "nothing"
Nothing. like a non existent relationship.
because you're always something.
you're always "just friends", friends with benefits, best friends, enemies, frenemies, acquaintances, or total strangers. but you're still something, and being some kind of anything  always leads you back to being that thing you despise to be. lovers.
you're always there.in the mist of each others maddness.and you can't help it, you just can't stop this insanity, this endless cycle of emotions.
Every line has been crossed, the most beautiful phrases have been exchanged and so have the harshest.
you swear up and down you'll never go back and you're not in love but you're still there being something.

He is heavenly.

Do you know those things that just by thinking about them you just get chills all over?
I do that a lot&.Sometimes I wish I could go back into the time when great prophets rose and fought for the gossiple and back when Jesus walked on earth .

I would have loved to see the look on the servants face when Jesus turned water into wine.
I would have loved to see the look on Peters face when Jesus walked on water so flawlessly.
I would have loved to see the look on all the Israelites face when God through Moses split the Red Seas and they were free.

Seriously, imagine Elishas face when a chariot of fire pulled Elijah to heaven.
or the look in Marthas eyes when Jesus said "Your brother will rise again, I am the resurrection and the life. he who believes in me, though may not die, he shall live. And whosoever lives and believes in me shall never die"
& the sight of the lord when he was crucified and still looked up and said "Father, forgive them, for they no not what they do"

It's just so amazing to me.
so so amazing.

Life is often about..

smirking when you get in trouble just because you know it's funny
deep, long, tug-on-the-lip kisses
taking a nap when all else fails
flipping coins to make any decision
mid-night swims to test if water can wash away everything
believing in the stars even when they're not shinning
believing in love even when you're completely alone
believing in God, when he chooses to be silent
going on strange adventures
taking your shoes off and walking around barefoot
rambling on and on about the same things
giving someone the best compliment a person with your amount of stress can muster
making a cd for one trip
getting the giggles
playing with your best friends hair to help her fall asleep
putting your hands up to worship
holding hands
talking to strangers
the moment you turn in that gosh awful project that you stayed up all night doing
singing the same song over and over and over again
curling your hair just to go to sleep
silently coming in at 2 a.m.
hugging your mom
laughing till a 12 pack is for sure coming
forgiving someone.
the moment you take a deep breath and decide you're going to be perfectly fine.
picking your team mate up & saying "shake it off"
& sometimes breathing is enough. because it proves to you, you're still alive
isn't that what life's all about?  being so alive.

Hallelujah, hallelujah.I believe.

I'm giving my life to only one who makes the moon reflect the Sun.

On that starry night he changed my life.

I'm giving my life to the only Son who gave me hope when I had none.

I'm giving my life to only Son who was, and is, and yet to come.

Every Angel sings that he is heavenly, let the praises ring cause' he is everything.

[Can I get an Amen?]

Sometimes I get so lost trying to find myself,

and I forget my reminder is just a glance away

all there is to really do is look at how the moon reflects the Sun.

Let that be your example.

Be the moon reflect the Son.

He'll light up the path you need to travel on, just as he lights up the sky even at night.

Just stop distracting me, world.

I've had 12 weeks to get this science project done
& guess how much I have done..... (:
& guess when it's due? If you said tomorrow then
you are correct.

Procrastination is my middle name.

Oh well. you know.

There's a boy.. who I guess you can say I admire him and his unique ways.

He's probably unlike anyone I've ever met.

He's that boy that you're not beee efff eff with but he shows up in your life again and again and you vent to him randomly just because he's fantastic.

Yes. The type that makes you swoon even subconsciously..

anyway..to the story...

"Hey I wanted to be honest with you and say I know ____ is a good guy with you but I really cant stand the guy. I know I told you to give him a chance but honestly I don't think he is who makes himself out to be in front of you and I know that what i say doesn't matter but remember I love you and care for you..." -Him

"I just don't understand...what do you mean?" -Me

"He's not good enough for you .. yes I'm a lil drunk but natt you deserve the world he's an a** to me and my brother anytime we play him.idk maybe I just wish I knew what you needed don't worry about what I'm saying natt just be happy and I will be happy." -Him

"Well now I dint know what to think . I mean, if the guy I thought was good is really bad. Then who's really good anymore? If he isn't who he appears to be then he is a very good actor in front of me, thanks for being honest and thanks for caring." -Me

I was totally confused by this conversation he was telling me this about a guy that has liked me for so long the guy I talk about in this blog.... click right here.

We had always talked about this guy and he would give me tons of advice... so I was def baffled.
I thought there is no way...
So I did some undercover research and I figured out that there is two guys with the same nickname that have showed up in various places at the same time. But this time were he spotted this boy and where I knew he was ..didn't exactly matchup..

"Wait.. which _____are you talking about?" -Me

"Not the one from Surry" -Him

"That's the one I've been talking about all this time... is it possible that for 3 years we have been talking about two different people" -Me

"Wow nat. omgosh. This is so funny Nat..Everything is going to be okay I love that _____ he genuine." -Him

"We suck.. at life." -Me

"Well what do we have to say to each other now..?" - him

"how does this happen" -me

"Miscommunication big time" - him

"Like 3 years big time.." -me

" I feel like seriously what the crap did we just do .. that's 3 years of this" -him

Yes. for 3 years all the advice all the conversations were about two different people.
Say (I) If you think we're going to be great spouses one day, with our super communication skills.

& sometimes I just .

You know those nights when you read countless blogs,
scrolling down to see if you find any cute picture of couples.
You're listening to something like you by Adele, and I sit here and all I can do is..
laugh.
yep, 15 min of nothing but laughter.
Don't ask me why everything is funny right now.

Perfect statement.

Five days of nooooo schooooooll.

Now that I may drink to.

drink coffee of course.

Just a tad.

My AP US History class is a constant throw down.
Today was probably one of the worst days.
Our junior class use to be the tigthest..
Let's be honest here .. it basically started with a couple
that were together for like 3 years.
This turned in to much of a tragedy rather than a love story, ever since then
we spent our time taking sides.
The boys in our grade are very sexist
in fact in this particular class they've all been sitting in the front these past few days
taking most of the girls seat to prove that the girls talk way to much
and they couldn't listen
anyway.
Mr.Freeman our brave teacher threw out a debate...
& of course the most controversial  Gay Rights.
I say props to the first five min we were doing good .
Then
the personal attacks come in..
you heard things like

" Be very careful what you're saying I have gays in my family and you 're really offending me."

"This is why men hate women, can't shut up enough to hear anything."

"You just hate everyone you can't get in bed with you."

"Next time we have a debate how about you go sit out side and mingle with your thumbs."

"You're so closeminded.."

"Stop interrupting me. I heard you, now listen to me."

I even heard a

"Shut the ***** up"

"Wow guys. We all sound like that class from freedom writers. " <-- very true Andrew.
The debate was actually good .. then you started hearing things that had nothing to do with the debate
but just being mean in general.

Then Mr.Freeman hands a student a ruler and said "Next time I even think
about having a debate with this class beat me with this ruler please."

Our class is very intelligent, extremely intelligent.
But also extremely opinionated, hardheaded with very strong personalities.
We all want the last word..
we have a lot to learn about life, about love, about patience, about the other gender, about equality, about making a home, about listening, about it all.  it's evident, including myself.
I come right along with this .. sometimes.. I just can't bite my tongue.

p.s. secretly .. like way down deep in our souls so deep you can't even see it
we may just love each other just a tad. I mean think about it we love each other just enough
to tell each other how we really feel.

It's who you've always been.

I forgave,

I was made to live light heartily.

Doesn't stop the disappointment of the change that I still haven't seen in you.

Forgiving means forgetting & sure I consider this neither of our faults anymore.

Life happens.

Don't know if it's because I expected some kind of out reach

or because I've seen you move from one to another so quickly.

The feelings are gone but you never stop wondering about a person..

& I sit here thinking when is reality going to hit you?

There is nothing I do better than.... be a slacker.

I'm currently wearing yellow finger nail polish.
It's banana scent.
As I ate chips I licked my fingers and it turns out they taste like bananas too.
Two thumbs up.
for one lazy Saturday.
I ate eggs, a cheeseburger,fries, Stromboli, and Chinese and it's only 3:30.
I'm going to take a nap enjoy the thought of only a 2 day week before thanksgiving break.
Semesters finally  almost  over.
& I'm not gonna miss it one bit...
Nap time.
(:

Makes me smileee.

I swear.

I swear I get fevers at least twice every week.
I self diagnosed myself...
I hate school so much emotionally that physically it's melting me one fever at a time.
I shall call this diagnosis Whenyouhateschoolsomuchemotionallythatphysicallyitmeltsyouonefeveratatime.


On the bright side I saved a life today.
Before I donated blood my fever was 99.7 .. so I had to wait a little while then they checked me again it was 99.0 therefor I could still give blood. After I gave blood my body went nuts & sent my temperature to 101.
I stayed in the office and bothered the lady at the front desk.. named Mrs.Freeman and complained to her for a good 30 min about how much I didn't want to be there. She's pretty much great for never getting annoyed with me or acting like she doesn't at least..
Then I went home..
I guess I'm sick.
I mean I don't know what of.
I guess school...
It has to be . I swear.

I love Jackie.

And suddenly I had a change of thought, I'm so bipolar.
It pretty much goes like this..
Cool, chill ,it's  straight. I don't care how single I am then the lonely feeling that I
described in a previous post comes along.[&] It's a cycle.
Now, with out even a trace to know how I did it.
I had a change.
I don't care.
I'm not lonely. I know I never truly was but it was the emotion of it that felt strangling to me.
It's gone now.
& I hope this just isn't temporary and just isn't part of the cycle. This is what I wanted to just be free from feelings because
at the end loneliness is a feeling.
I don't feel the "I wanna be in love"
It just... went. away...
the thought of having someone sounded "nice" ...remember?. Now it doesn't sound too appealing
like it did.
Maybe there is just too many things to do.
Please please please let it be that I'm finally "Letting go [&] letting God"
interesting. very interesting..

Explanation for my Title: I love my friend Jackie. Who had heard me say "I'm lonely" so many times.[&] she finally heard the magical words "I don't feel lonely anymore" after all this time. She talked to me till weee hours of the night [&] honestly if it wasn't for her..I don't know who I'd be right now.

You make me happy, whether you know it or not.

This was my 5th season coaching.

& this is probably my favorite team ever.

Whose sister is that? She's a monster ;)

                                  

His shoes never stayed tied..

UM. FOUL?

Notice the overly sized 8 year old trucking my little brother...-_-

The Outcome..

"I think he just dislocated my nose but I'm fine please continue the game, don't worry about me."

I always desire nothing but the best for all my little teams

but I had more of a special side to this team.

Even though when I graduate they'll still be kids, I hope to come back to Pilot Mountain

and see them play for East Surry and watch how much they've grown.

So I can talk to them the way older people talk to me now, so I can look at them and say

"You've came a long way."

because that's what I want them to do in life, to go a long way on and off the field.

I just adore them.

   

#Fatgirlproblems.

It was one of those days that I...

•  Pretty much blew up on everyone.
• Couldn't concentrate in Chemistry .. oh wait. that's everyday.
• Saw girls crying about boys & I'm like if only they had love affairs with food like I do this wouldn't happen.
• Was deff moody.

& when the only thing that made me laugh hard was fat girl jokes


Care to share? absolutely!


-The awkward moment when a skinny girl doesn't finish all her food & you want it.#fatgirlproblems


- When you know no matter how hot it is you can't take off your sweater because your shirt shows all your fat. #fatgirlproblems


- When you have to sit up super straight when you sit down so you'll stretch out a little. #fatgirlproblems


-When you wanna dip your cookie in your milk but the cookie is to big for the top of the cup
#fatgirlproblem


-When you know your only skinny in the mornings. #fatgirlproblems


-When the only exercise you get is from laughing at your own #fatgirlproblems.

7 things you may or may not know about Nathallie.

7 things you may or may not know about me.


1. I don't like peas or seafood.

2. I dig men in uniform. If you're dressed in a military attire you instantly become attractive to me.

3. I've always ( literally)  dreamt of living on a farm with horses. I still have drawings that I would give my mom when I was little of horses on my farm.

4. I love jaw bones, accents,the Amish community, guitar players, hammacking, air balloons, flower crowns, ankle bracelets, wooden floors, cities ,painted toenails, long hair, dimples, braids and daring people.

5. I don't have a favorite color. I like green & yellow but I don't like green more than I like yellow & red sounds pretty fancy to me too. No, I'm not trying to be complicated.

6. I like when people shake my hand. I kind of expect it when they first meet me.. perhaps because I was raised that way.

7. I'm in to stuff like this...

def Poetry.




Have a great Sunday. (:

It's not my fault you can't laugh with such freedom.

my first three were...
tease (why am i not surprised?) , beauty & secret.

what's yours?

I wish..

I secretly
well not so secretly now ...wish...
that ...
I went to a huge school were there was cute guys peeking out of every corner
so I could have someone to stare at.
So maybe I'd be motivated
to actually wear something other than t-shirts/hoodies/jeans  and actually fix my hair to school.
so I can say " He walked in the room like every other day except this time my heart skipped a beat"
(goosh so cleeeshaaayyy)
 or or or
it could go something like a big dramatic confession of a cute shy guy that
wears a toboggan and had dimples and secretly played the guitar and liked to go to coffee shops..
and he would say "I've liked you since freshman year, I just love everything about you."
Then he could list all the things I did in a non-creepy way of course.
Then we'd fall madly in love and walk in field of flowers.
....
alright maybe not.

but can a group of about 25 beautiful guys just move to my school please?
Drew Wilsons probably getting tired of me only looking at him all the time.

sheez. I'm in one of those mood.

I write about love and such maybe cause I want it so much.

I use to be like oh whatever about dating and that love stuff.

& I always thought it was kind of dumb for people to want it all the time.

Until of course I saw it everywhere

& lately it's been something I look forward to.

Like, I think about it and how nice it sounds to have someone.

It's been so long since Blue eyes
that i've almost forgot what it's like to feel something for someone

& I have became such a girl and yes! dear lord. I have became one of them

them, as in those picky girls that have a list
I don't have a type
but...
 I have a list. feel me?

a list of all the characteristics he has to have.

That's what happen when you stay frozen in feelings for so long your expectations just become higher and higher.
I'm officially a girly girly girl day dreamer
ew. Nathallie.
you use to play in the woods and dig up worms when you were little.what happen to that hardcoreness?(is that a word?)

                                If it basically hadn't been thrown in my face  would I still want it so much?


  If I was the only person left that knew how to love, would I love anyway.
     With out a culture that does the same?

Is it because I've seen/read it everywhere and want what others have?
or because my human nature is itching away in my heart & mind?
When did I become such a typical teenage girl?

Thought of the day..

Rockbridge.

I leave for Rockbridge today.
A young life camp.
I'm so excited!! they say it's the best weekend of your life.

No stress.
No frustration.
A weekend of nothing but Jesus & fun.

No phone.
No computer.
Whatever is there, is what I will have.
It's in the middle of no where.
 Deprived never sounded so right.

I'm tired of being alone so hurry up and get here.

I know the drill. I know it very well. too well.

one day you're like muahahhaha being single is great, you can just do whatever, whenever. I'm not talking about the "I'm kind of talking to someone but still not dating anyone" kind of single I'm talking about the "The only people that text me constantly are my best friend and maybe my mom" kind of single. as single as it gets. no one on your mind, no one you even consider , and heck you're okay with that.



then...

there are days , the rainy days.
when you say it's okay to be lonely because you can cry right along with the sky
the days you wish someone gave you butterflies, the days you change from solitude to loneliness
the days you remember all the "almost guys" the fools that did you so wrong
the days you realize that being alone doesn't satisfy you as long as having feelings for someone does
when you realize that your pride can't hold your own hand
when you're focusing on the missing puzzle that you usually ignore
At the end all there is left to do is wait.
wait for someone.
because there has to be someone out there for everyone. right?

Inhale..Exhale..Inhale...Exhale the lust.

Thunder roared,
just as the waves crashed the shore.
Vulnerability roamed the air of the room I stayed in,
allowing me to inhale it in and let my strong will weaken.
Loneliness at its highest,
vanity at its finest.
Mistakes were exhaled,
the second whip of air my body manage to inhale
was now regret filling my lungs.
He wasn't mine to hold,
another exhale takes place
this time it contained anger that he caught me at my weakest.
Someone else's heart was at stake

I just needed someones mind to break.

Another unfaithful soul trapped in the cave of temptation,
It wasn't more one than the other
but if there fingers to point
I'll point it at myself
subconscious where the thoughts that I now recognize
Somewhere in me I knew if I walked away he was sure to follow
we'll still go the motto

"It takes two to tango."
It also took two to inhale and exhale the aroma of
our two distinct scents that hold no record of ever being together.
But that night of our weary flesh let lust take over
the story is one we never choose to repeat.
Sitting in different sides of the room now,
heads looking towards the ground, elbows on knees, hands
running through hair.
Ashamed not of what happen but of what could have occurred
We managed to unattach and break such a force
thanking God for the ability we found somewhere deep down
to just stop the madness and let go..
Now as the months went by
the beach is nothing but history.
Back in the atmosphere of our own life him with her
and I alone.
Looking back you'll see,
what posses two humans when we let instinct of attraction defeat.

dis iz four youh Emily.

Dear Emily,

I know I have terrible grammar.
Stop correcting me & reading my blogs out loud in English class.




Dear Readers,

If you are as judgmental as Emily about my blogs having the grammar and structure of
a 6 year old, then I apologize for the grand disappointment I have set. I could lie and say I'll do better but I don't ever read over my stuff... I just write.
Love you guys. (:

Cooler than the flip side of my pillow, that's right.

Spirit!
Ohhhh. you know , high school .

Homecoming
I'm probably the meanest, rudest ,person on the face of the planet when I am stressed.
Getting everything ready is frustrating & hair pulling and I just want to fight with everyone.

Just like last year (when I represented my class) my mother was such a doll and put me back in line when I was throwing everything everywhere.
I knew my skin would fall off and show a hot blazing red of me that isn't pretty so before I came home from school I walked around the football field twice and got rid of the nasty feeling that chemistry and yearbook leave me with, the disgusted feeling of wanting to stab someone.
I know what a lovely sight I have placed upon you.

This year I represented one of the greatest, most amazing, most athletic football beast I know.
Mason Edwards.
He is absolutely wonderful in every way & it was such an honor.
&&Came home with a WINNNN! Well done Cards. (:

Do not judge me .. the ugly face. oh yeah. classic.

Rode in the parade with this beauty of a girl Miss. Mikayla Elliott or as I call her nineteen. (Her soccer #) in the back of a huge red truck.

Was escorted by this handsome young fellow.

Mr.Drew Wilson

He's a looker that's for sure and he's such a charm.

-You know he is the perfect escort when he massages your feet when your heels are killing you & when he lets you boss him around about taking pictures & walking a certain way. & of course he is famous for the wink he gives you when you least expect it . & reminds you about how beautiful he thinks you look & assures you that he will not let you fall.

Fantastic human && ladies he is single ;)

Oh hey Drew . by the way..

You're beautiful every little piece love and don't you know, you're really gonna be someone,

ask anyone.

(: Then we all dropped it low.. a little too low at the homecoming dance.
Over all.
A swell night .

& my hearts not breaking, cause I'm not feeling anything at all.

What do you do when your smile alone can be responsible for the speed of someones heart?
What do you do when your very presence is responsible for the strength in someones knees?


What do you when someone is madly in love with you ..
and the worst part isn't even that he is perfect for you & perfect to you
& that he meets all the standards & has all the characteristics of a person
that makes that dude from the notebook look like a wuss.
Nope the worst part, the part that makes your teeth grinch in your mouth
 is that you don't feel a thing.


but breaking his heart, means the breaking of yours because you care for him.
I wasn't built ,created in any shape or form to break someone, I wasn't brought up that way.
So do you give him a chance, or say every man for himself.
Delimmas Delimmas.

After all we're only Human.

As much as I bashed young love in several posts or rubbed in how much of an amazing time single people can have.The stories I told obviously told you that I too took a swing & failed..I've never been in love & never been heart broken.The good lord knows I've been close to both though.. All the dissapointment just brought up a guarded girl who doesnt let anyone come in.. so much practice of blocking emotions it now became an instintic to fight what I feel .

The question I've been asked one to many times .. WHAT IS YOUR TYPE?

I don't really have a type, I don't know what to look for or how.I've swooned over bad boys, Italians, Hispanics, blonde  hair blue eyed Americans, once over a guy who drove a motorcycle, a tan dude with green eyes.(my definition of swoon isn't talked or dated it's merely once grabbed my attention or have had me rudely vainly staring ) They were either athletes ,good boys, adventures, quiet, way too loud, chill or absolutely crazy. What I've never ever came to swoon over probably because he's never once made an appearance around this lovely deserted town.An artistic, guitar playing, poetry writer, photographer type guy. Maybe he'll be the one.
hahaha probably not.
Cheers to my dear readers!

& JOY JOY JOY.

fall has reappeared in our atmosphere

mmmm.

I adore this weather.

Welcome October.

No matter what you say.

"They encounterd his blue eyes on several occasions"

Blue eyes.


He came & went. & went and came.
It was always that flirty "He's cute & I know he thinks I'm cute" kind of thing.
We talked then stopped for a few weeks then just when I was about to pull up the white flag
& surrender to any illusions I made myself he  thought it was the perfect time to come crashing back in .

He came back strong & was willing to prove to me
that he was ready to be with me
Needless to say , I was convinced .
Finally, it was time to seal the deal .
This was in my mind a last shot to find something, at last.
Well. wrong.After talking and in the verge of settling one day from the next he just stopped talking to me
leaving me with all these plans that we had together to mingle with myself in my own self-destruction. This time I can't say I was to blame, I was the victim in every way I looked at it.
Not a word was said just silence, he didn't give an explanation as to why he just stopped
& I was too prideful to ask. 8 months of shhhhh. It was the loudest silence I ever heard ..
He eventually came around and apologized & I forgave .
But...
No matter what you say, I still can't believe that you would walk away, it doesn't make sense to me.
I'll never really understand.
That's just how life goes.
You are just eventually up to your knees with dissapointment.